another question of Claude
the journal of Michael Werneburg
twenty-eight years and a million words
After last week's surprisingly positive review of one of my stories, I asked the "Anthropic" AI called Claude about another of my short stories, which is currently not published to this site. This is what it had to say.
"This story is ambitious in scope and has some strong satirical elements, but it feels less polished than it could be. Let me break down what works and what might need attention:
What works well:
- The darkly comic corporate satire is sharp and relevant - the way the deputy CFO prioritizes VIP passengers over environmental responsibility feels very contemporary.
- The irony of accidentally seeding a lifeless planet with life, which then becomes overrun with the very therapods the tourism industry exploits elsewhere, is clever.
- Rodney's character arc from bumbling new hire to environmental activist provides nice thematic closure
The world-building details about interplanetary tourism are engaging.
Areas that feel less developed:
- The pacing is uneven - the middle section with the corporate decision-making drags compared to the tighter opening.
- Some of the exposition feels heavy-handed, particularly the paragraph explaining therapods on every planet.
- The timeline jumps in the final section feel rushed after the more detailed earlier scenes.
- Character motivations beyond Rodney aren't as clear or compelling as in the first story.
Technical issues:
- There are several grammatical errors and incomplete sentences ("Satisfied that" paragraph, missing words in dialogue).
- Some unclear pronoun references and awkward phrasings that interrupt the flow.
- The transition between sections could be smoother.
The core concept is solid - it's an environmental parable wrapped in space tourism satire with genuine wit. But it needs tightening. The first story felt more focused and controlled, while this one seems to have more ideas than it can cleanly execute in the space available.
The ending, where the captain dies from therapod attacks on the very type of planet their company helped create through negligence, is grimly effective. But getting there feels a bit mechanical rather than organic.
It's definitely worth developing further - the satirical voice and environmental themes have real potential."
Challenge accepted, Claude!