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an april fool's .. process manual

the journal of Michael Werneburg

twenty-eight years and a million words

Toronto, 2015.04.01

This year we issued a bogus process manual at work on "Accessing the stairs" for April Fools Day. Some favorite clips:

"Access to stairs is limited to the hours of 10AM to 3PM."

"During access, especially in a downward direction, all personnel shall:

Under "loss scenarios", I had:

"04.01-t2 – Personnel injure themselves while using the stairs inappropriately. The Company is exposed to costly and disruptive legal nonsense."

and

"04.01-t6 – Personnel using the stairs in an unsafe manner and without assistance injure themselves but their cries go unheard. Frequent deaths within the firm causes prolonged sense of ennui and malaise."

And there was a permission request form to access the stairs. Of course.

rand()m quote

For a long time I was very bitter that the people who controlled the means of anybody ever hearing my songs were never gonna play them. They only favored music that I specifically and particularly hated, and I wanted them dead. Suddenly, there was another avenue. I started hearing my stuff coming out of bars and then it started to happen little by little -- a movie song here or a TV ad there.

—Iggy Pop