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I've forgotten how to be a dad

the journal of Michael Werneburg

twenty-seven years and one million words

I've forgotten the routines of being a dad, and I let my wife and son down tonight.

I left Toronto with a nasty head cold that started with a fever and sweating the night before I took off, and extended to vomiting, weakness, aching muscles, and a terribly sore throat by the time I was heading for the airport. Today the throat is particularly bad, and with the jetlag the weakness and tiredness are something else. The fever also returned to a degree. With some Tylenol 1's from Canada I was able to cut the soreness in my throat and the fever a bit.

This evening Mari had plans with friends and went out around five. Kenny and I watched the original Toy Story and ate dinner. Then I passed out while he was playing. I came to about forty-five minutes later, apologized to the boy and got him some milk. He told me he didn't need to pee and was playing well enough on his own. Then I must have fallen asleep again. When I woke up once more it was quite a bit later and he'd fallen asleep on the floor and had peed in his sleep. Because I'd abandoned him.

I got him showered and changed and then brushed his teeth and put him to "bed" by holding him until he drifted off and then setting him down on the sofa. Mari somehow managed the kid on her own for more than five weeks and I couldn't manage a single evening.