dungeons and dragons monster: troll

2015.01.17 (updated : 2015.01.16)

Phase	I	II	III
No. Enc.	1 (1d3)	1	1
Alignment	Angry	Hungry	Survivor
Movement	35m (12m)	20m (10m)	10m (10m)
Armor class	6		3	0
Hit dice	6		12	18
Attacks	3 (claws, bite)	1	1
Damage	4+d4(2)/2d6	5d4 (wpn)	8+6d8 (wpn)
Save	F6	F12	F18
Morale	8	10	12
Hoard class	XIX	XX	XXIII
XP	800	3000	10,000

The trolls of Sppang are monsters that plague cool climates and underground locations and eat people. Or, that's the majority view. But stories sometimes emerge of someone trading with a troll or even enlisting its help. Other stories talk about elder trolls holding meetings in hidden mountain valleys and forest groves, discussing weighty things and maybe holding council with other monsters.

Little is known about the lifecycle of the troll. They all appear to be vaguely male adults, as no young trolls or females have ever been spotted. There seem to be three distinct life phases.

Trolls are thought to regenerate but the reality is they are simply fast healers. A troll that is not outright killed will regain one hitpoint every half hour. During the healing process a troll might form a new limb or even a new head.

Phase I troll

For decades or even a few hundred years, a troll is about three times the mass (and strength) of a human. These are the trolls that live under bridges, in ruins and caves, in labyrinths, and in cold places (see Yeti). They have the appearance of ugly old men with ashen skin and unpleasant features. They stand in a hunched way, and their shuffling gate reveals a meter-long tail like that of a cow.

They bitterly resent being disturbed and will attack parties that they deem weaker than themselves. If pressed, they will interact with more powerful groups. Adventurers can profit from this by hearing gossip, purchasing "discarded" weapons & equipment, or learning the local geography. Trolls barter dearly for such exchange, however, craving precious metals and gems (which they ingest - as they will the flesh of anyone they kill).

Phase II troll

The phase II troll is far larger, standing 3 – 8 meters tall and weighing several tonnes. Still humanoid in form, This form of troll sometimes has multiple heads, extra limbs, and other deformities. In the largest of phase II trolls, this can even include small trees and bushes growing from their back and head.

These trolls are ravenous eaters and while they spend most of their time below ground carving caves and tunnels and consuming stone, they will occasionally emerge to find meat - a rare treat they pursue with gusto. They will raid a human settlement to consume i) stores of food, ii) the livestock, and finally iii) the farmers. Unlike their younger brethren, they turn to stone almost instantly when exposed to sunlight. Some phase II trolls develop a permanent rocky exterior and are immune to the ill effects of sunlight.

Phase II trolls will only speak if in dire condition. They are not unintelligent, but their willingness to converse is no match for their desire to consume.

Phase III troll

In the phase III, a troll is a titanic monster, squatly solid in form and only roughly humanoid. They are massively built, range to 20m tall, and weigh enough to shake the land when they walk. Frequently appearing to be living stone, they may sport rock scarps or deep fissures.

Slow moving and paying little heed to the doings of humans, these trolls rarely appear and seem to do so only to destroy – smashing a castle built too far into the wilderness, ending a mining or forestry operation, or wiping out a gang of bandits. By no means evil, they garner respect from all creatures great and small, save perhaps the most bellicose of fire dragons. They seem to be able to converse with metal dragons and sphinxes and even xlid. Any 0-level humanoids seeing one of these great trolls must make their WIL score on d20 or panic, regardless of the numbers of their allies present.

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birdshit and good luck

One afternoon back in the Fall of 1982, I was walking home from college along a canal in Miami, Florida. I heard a two or three screeches that sounded like they were coming from behind and above me. As i looked up, I was flown over by a great blue heron. It passed over my head and dropped a load of shit in front of my face (but not on my face, fortunately).

Only a few months later--just after sunset on Tuesday, March 8, 1983--I was walking home from college and heading toward the same canal. Just after I had passed a library, I saw a blur, and then I felt a splat on my forehead. A seagull had just dropped a shitload in my face, and on my shirt. Even my belt-buckle had poop on it. Seagulls congregate at a garbage disposal site just north of where I was messed on. I had to walk past a shopping center with the crap on me in full view. Night fall saved me from what should have been an embarassing moment.

On the Monday of the following week, I learned that I had passed a Physical Chemistry test. Until then, I was failing Physical Chemistry. The birdshit was a sign of good luck.

On the other hand, small birds pooped on my head twice in 1996--once in late August, and again in mid-October. I lost my job on the same day in both instances. I believe that the culprit in the mid-October incident was a crow.

stephen zirattu
2002.02.22 00:00:00

Oh, this made me laugh. I feel better for having just gotten it on my clothing/body.



Hi Michael,

Just got crapped on and immediately thought of you.

How's that book coming?

Rich (formerly of St. Catharines)

Richard Seabright
Oshawa On, Canada
2009.03.12 21:44:24

Heh, heh! I've got 'top of mind awareness' when it comes to bird crap?

The book's on hold; too much else on the go.


This is so funny! Why am I even reading your story about being shat on 10 times? My boyfriend and I were walking around a lake this evening (in Florida) and a cormorant was up in a tree over the path and shit exactly as we were walking under the tree and we both got sprayed with it! I sure hope it brings us some luck - we could sure use some! LOL I thought you might enjoy this old joke I found a link for - "The Foo Bird" www-personal.umich.edu/~bbowman/birds/humor/foo_bird.html

2011.04.12 02:24:30

Thanks for sharing your comment, and that joke. I'm slightly worried that my long run of getting crapped on abruptly ended some time back .. it's been eerily quiet since.


It's hilarious!!! I got bird's shit on my jacket yesterday morning, first time in my life. I said to my bf how can they poop while they are flying and how can I got it while I am running :)). He said it supposed to be a good luck which I though was a joke. However, yesterday afternoon, there's a customer bought all my ebay stuffs, seriously ALL. I posted many stuffs since i am moving to another place. So yeah, I do believe bird's shit brings luck :)) and even it doesn't we did have a good laugh after all.

2019.04.16 11:02:55

So there's something to it after all, good to know.

Thanks for leaving your comment, Phuong.


Since i read this story , my wife feels a lot better. she thought she was the only one that had been hit 4 times in 25 years... Happy Crapping (Europe is not safe either) Cheers!

Rene A.
2012.10.31 18:29:54

And happy crapping to you! 8^)

The funny thing is that it's only happened once in the last four or five years. I'm getting paranoid.


I don't know you nor believe in luck but I read your awesome story and I really believe your blessed. Some people have it easier than others but your optimism so wonderful. Today while walking to the store a bird popped right on my face and into. I was astonish and right when I thought of getting upset I just laughed at how great of a sense of humor God has :-) I had it tough most of my life but Im hoping that bird poop is some sort of a sign of a breakthrough. Anywho, have a blessed life and thanks for your post and optimism :-)

2012.11.09 20:17:02

That's a great attitude, Kathy. I've tended to laugh them off as well. The first was a great gob that ran right down my chest and stomach. I just sank into the river where I was standing and had a chuckle. Never had it in the face, though - ugh!

And may your life be blessed as well. d_(-.-)_b


Omg the funniest thing happened to my friend today. We were eating lunch in our school quad, and my friend tapped my shoulder and asked me if there was something on her shoulder, I look and saw a small size of seagull crap, while laughing I helped cleaned it up for her. Then after a minute or so I was looking up trying to stay clear of the bird, I saw another bird shit, just in time to hit my fried AGAIN! Omg this time it was big. I couldn't believe it. It was so funny and awful at the same time. She was shy on twice on the same day within minutes I mean what r the odds??

2013.01.24 00:17:16

Wow. I guess the lesson is not to linger: once shit-on, twice shy!

Thanks for sharing the story.


Hey Michael, I live in Tasmania and work at the New museum called MONA, its a busy job where we welcome thousands of visitors every day. Needless to say we all need a relaxing "knock off" drink after work andck into a bean bag with my beer....BOOM! A huge seagull shit crashed down onto my left upper arm and ricocheted onto the pink bean bag. I was with a group of a dozen work colleagues who all witnessed this event and most where grossed out. But my good buddy and manager reminded me of the good luck aspect of this improbable event. Instinct to avoid embarrassed me to immediately wipe the shit from my arm onto the bag, but I now wish I allowed it to remain a little longer for a closer inspection of the luck bringing material. Fremory it was pale green and white, a little watery and seemed to be comprised of pchip. Anyway, it also caused me to remember that the preen shit on at the beach. Same arm just a little lower, same bird? I doubt it but now I'm reading your hilarious blog and I am excited to count myself in with the lucky crew! Also, my hands are tingling, but this could just be due to texting..ha! So now I will wait for the double dose of good luck to appear. I can sense that that someone, somewhere is about to give me a superyacht and a Carribean island for nothing, as the bird has already paid.

2013.03.03 16:13:14

Hi, CJ;

One of the benefits of being repeatedly crapped on by birds is that it eventually stops bothering you at all. Which I suppose is good for people who work with the things!

Thanks for the note, I could just see the situation you described unfolding. "Of all the luck!" ;^)


I was on a short vacation in Palm Spring, California attending the tennis tournament in Indian Wells, when an earthquake occurred. I guess it was some kind of sigh?? While sitting in the stands of one of the stadiums, everyone looked up to see this beautiful flock of birds flying in several large formations. Maybe stirred up by the earthquake. All of a sudden the lady behind me informed me that I was hit with some bird shit on my nice red shirt. Oh well I figured it was just a continuation of my unfortunate events in my life! Then....I saw on TV the bird on the smoke stack in Rome and the selection of the new Pope, Francis (the bird Saint). Now I know how fortunate I am to have be selected by the birds, out of the hundreds of other fans at the match to be blessed by the birds. Red shirt like the Cardinals wear, Yes, I am waiting for the good news to come, I hope soon. Tom Dodaro, Lincoln California 3/18/2013

Tom dodaro
2013.03.18 10:46:17

Good for you, Tom, that's a very positive story! Thanks for sharing your story.


Found your page by googling "a bird pooped on my head" as this just happened to me in Chicago today (for the first time). I also have a dragon tattoo, so I expect many more run-ins with bird shit over the coming years. Cheers.

Jason Rood
2013.06.19 18:04:00

Welcome to the club, Jason!


Lol I am actually trying to quit drinking.on Friday I had to walk past my Fav bar and go home, it was really tough but I did it, a few minutes after some birds flew over Me and dropped poop On me, landed on my arm and laptop bag, it felt like God Pat me on my back.

2013.07.07 23:45:20

Outstanding attitude, Damola! All the best in realizing your goal.


This article is hilarious!!...I was laughing out loud about your "moron co-workers" not telling you! such a great read..truely made my day! I had an interview today and then walked around the park and city for two hours before going home and just as i walked through the door.. there it was comfortably laying on my shoulder.. a miniature mushy brown look-alike dog shit! i could almost see the steam coming out from it...no idea how long its been there! I REALLY hope I got the job!!

2013.07.11 01:48:47

Well if there's any truth to bird shit bringing good luck, then you'll have landed the job for sure. 8^)

Thanks for leaving a comment,


I stumbled upon your article after someone on the street told me that a bird crapping on you was considered good luck. I'm still not convinced it's good luck, but sir, I believe you deserve an award for getting crapped on so many times and having such a great attitude about it! Yesterday, I was standing next to my car parked next to a meter covered in bird crap. I didn't think much of it until something hit my head. Mind you, I have long brown hair that hits me mid-back. I put my hand to my hair and pulled out a giant wad of pigeon crap. I screamed so loud that the entire street probably thought I was dying. Needless to say, I spent the end of my vacation standing on the side of street having my bf pour a water bottle on my freshly washed and styled hair. We didn't end up going to lunch because I was too upset. If it is considered good luck, let's hope that it carries over to my job interview in 2 days! Either that or it saved me from getting food poisoning at the hot dog place we were about to eat at. Oh and oddly enough, I have a dragon tattoo too, though I can't say I've been crapped on so generously as you've been. Let me tell you though, trying to wash out bird crap from your long hair is not an easy or sanitary task. Maybe we should invest in hats and raincoats.

2013.08.19 21:12:44

You know, it almost happened to me again the other day as well; I held a door open for some colleagues and a pigeon just above crapped all down the inside glass surface of the door. Still, I'd rather be cleaning that then my hair.

All the best with the job interview. You've got your secret good luck weapons - you can't miss.


I have a bald head an today on the way to mu moms house a bird shited right on my bald head , I said whst luck an smild at myself as I look for something to take it off so I'm waiting for my luck an then I thpught Im alive an well an going to spend the day with my mom so I guess that my luck.

travis davis
2013.09.30 18:55:50

Gotta laugh and brush it off. Glad you kept smiling, Travis, what else can you do?


I got shat on today - perfect end to the perfect month. I had the worst luck ever... until I got shat on! I searched in google cause I wanted to see how people reacted to being shat on. I laughed it off (im a virgin to bird shit). But damn your blog is pretty damn inspirational. Thanks!

virgin to shite
2013.10.25 14:08:37

Correction, anonymous stranger: you were a virgin to bird shit. Welcome to your deflowered state.


When I was a little boy back in the early 1960s I got p1ssed on by a small bird as we were shopping at an old Five-And-Ten. I've been crapped on by birds at least twice already - at one time pigeon poop landed near my left eye and almost blinded me as I was crossing Wall Street in NYC. Today, I just got crapped on again as I was waiting for the start of a junior high school flag football match. Don't care what anyone says - this does not, I repeat, does NOT bring good luck. Perhaps those who get a good laugh out of it or the bird themselves may get a kick out of this but d@mn it, it's annoying to say the very least, can be very injurious if it lands on your eyes, and is terribly messy, too.

2013.10.26 01:28:29

Great comment, anonymous visitor.


Okay, haven't seen one like this yet, so here goes: when i was 16, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in a park at night. My hand was in his lap (if you know what I mean) and he was, um, exposed to the elements. Suddenly a huge plop! Guess where? Yeah, so my hand and his yoohoo were COVERED in runny, lumpy, gray and white shit. He immediately leaned to the side and started retching, while i rolled on the ground laughing. Suffice it to say that the romantic mood was ruined.

2014.01.05 11:53:42

Poor bugger. Thanks for leaving the anecdote, that was a good chuckle!


today, its the second time I am being crapped by birds shit when riding bike.

2014.02.18 06:29:46

Sorry to hear it, David!


Michael, For your info, this canadian lady had about the similar numbered as yours. http://www.legalnomads.com/2014/07/birds.html

2014.07.29 19:13:30

So she has, thanks for pointing her out. I'll contact her, maybe we'll start an institute. 8^D


Ran across ur blog/ article and laughed my ass off sorry to say this but to me it sounds like ur just a shitting post...

2014.11.10 00:28:38

That's understandable. In my own defense, I can point out that I was usually moving when these things happened! 8)


Thanks for taking the time to record your run-ins with bird droppings. I've had one on my right arm just this morning for the 1st time in my life. Birds particularly swans in Scandinavian Spirituality signals that the favor of a Valkyrie (sort of a guardian angel) is upon you, bringing you safely through various turning points in life; from life, death then rebirth. :)

Dagaz Odinzon
2016.12.23 20:18:56

Maybe it's like tattoos, Dagaz, or making your first million: the first one's the hardest, after that they're much easier. 8)

Thanks for the note from Norse mythology, it's certainly a rich tradition.

As noted somewhere on my web page, there's another Canadian who's recording her "hits". We're currently tied for birds, but she's had one bat and I concede that that will be a hard one to match.


Everything and anything that comes into your life you either directly or indirectly attracted it with your thoughts.

2017.02.21 17:30:15

I guess I must have had bird shit on my mind- oh god, not again!


Twice in my life.. first about 1980, on a brand new pair of jeans walking across the yard. Today, Oct. 6, 2017, sitting in a car(window down) eating ice cream. The latter was chunky redish brown. Most of it hit the inside door of the car and splattered onto my bare (Daisy Dukes) leg. Im currenly waiting on a call telling me when to start my new job after the background check. Laughing the rest of the day. ~Phoenix~

Phoenix~Queen of Fire (~Ragena Kay)
2017.10.06 15:35:16

Here's hoping, Ragena Kay!


Posted earlier today about getting pooped on today. Rejoice with me! I start orientation at Sodexo on Tue at Tulsa University as Catering Supervisor! Thank you little bird friend! Phoenix ~Ragena Kay!

Phoenix ~Queen of Fire!
2017.10.06 18:19:26

Congratulations, Ragena! The birds came through when you needed them.

Hmmm, it's been a long time since I've been blessed by a bird.


My fiance Josh & I are sitting in our truck after doing our normal morning routine of getting coffee & cigarettes, we are sitting and talking for a while before he has to go off to work....we hear all the crows chattering as the sun comes up. There's always a whole sky filled of them when we are outside. We look up & Josh just has this feeling that they are going to "bless" his just-recently washed truck...well, sure enough! Guess who's car in the entire row of cars gets shitted on????!!!! Josh's! His whole windshield and only.on his side of the truck from front to back of the truck! We laughed so hard after he jumped out to check if anyone else's car had been blessed...NOPE! ONLY HIS! that's how we both(without knowing) looked online at the same time and came across your page. Good laugh!

Judi & Josh Washington DC
2018.07.18 06:03:59

Thanks for the laugh, Judi! Enjoy the good luck to come - perhaps a good sign for your planned life together. 8^)


rand()m quote

The human capacity to ignore inconvenient facts and avoid unpleasantness is immense

—John Walker, from the Hacker's Diet